..and the memories come flooding back

Here it is again..the weekend I look forward to and dread at the same time. I grew up walking up the road to our church BBQ each year and my mom was a huge contributor to the success of it. She helped prepare the slaw, potatoes and cornbread. We all hung out the night before with everyone at the "pit" as the pork cooked overnight. We only lived two houses down from the church so it was a fun time. There was music,lots of loud talk and I am sure drinking...and early the next morning the meat had to be pulled and so at around 6 am everyone gathered to do just that.

Each year we went, we ate, we worked and we made memories. After I went away to college and later moved away from home, I still came back each year. Although I had long "outgrown" the small country church, the annual BBQ was home to me..and I knew it meant so much to my mom. All the proceeds went to the cemetery fund and that was a cause she was close to as so many of her family (and of course mine) were buried there. The funny thing is I grew up playing in the cemetery, we played "hopscotch" on the foot stones, we had seances, and played hide n seek. I guess living so close to what we called a "graveyard" made me totally at peace with it and totally unafraid.

The BBQ that is etched in my memory is the one in 2002 which unfortunately was also the last time I saw my mom alive. I don't remember how much time I actually spent with her that night, I don't know what I said, but I do know I said "I love you" before I went home. I was newly married (for only a few weeks) so I imagine I was busy talking to people about that. I really meant to see her soon afterward. We had just returned from our honeymoon in Spain and I had a photo album I put together that I wanted her to see. They had travelled to the same area of Spain years before so I was anxious to "compare notes" with her. I know I talked to her on a Sunday on the way home from the lake...I told her I would see her on Tuesday. I don't remember now why I changed it to Thursday...I really don't. I just know that on Wednesday night I got a call that would shake me to the core. My dad came home from work and found my mom on the kitchen floor. She died suddenly from a brain aneurysm and I was left wondering why I hadn't seen her in a few weeks. It took me a long time to deal with the regret of that two day change of plans decision....

So this weekend we went to the BBQ as usual and it was so fun watching Annslee run around, laugh and "shop" at the country store like I used to. I somehow now think it is fitting that I saw my mom last in this place that meant so much to her....I only wish she could have met her grand daughter..they would have been big buds!