As we strolled through I noticed Coby was smiling and playing peekaboo with someone. I looked behind me and it was a lovely lady around 55 or so. She asked me where he was from and when I said Vietnam she said "oh, MY country" with a huge smile. She continued to play with him and talk to him as she told me which restaurants she liked best and warned me not to go on a Saturday night b/c they are really busy and water down the Pho : ) Anyway, Coby loved her and was busy laughing and "flirting" away with her. She said "can I speak Vietnamese to him?" and I said of course. The minute she did he immediately started to cry as he reached for me saying "mama, mama" over and over. She then talked to him in English again and he calmed down laughing with her. She tried the Vietnamese again and the reaction was the same.
I know a lot of families who have adopted from Coby's orphanage rave about how nice, clean, etc.. it is. I read on the Ya*hoo group how pleased they were with it. I sometimes wonder if we were at the same place? Yeah, there are much worse ones and yes, Annslee was in foster care so I have nothing to relate it to. Yes, I know that it is "one of the nicest ones in Vietnam" I know all that but the fact remains that my son spent the first 11 months of his life sitting in a crib for hours upon hours all day long. I also know that the day we met him and the next day when we went back he acted like he didn't know them at all and they acted the same way. I also know he had a death grip on Daddy's tie minutes after we received him and the next day was the same. I hear how they do the best they can with the number of babies they have and I truly believe that is true. I also believe it still stinks that children are not held, loved on and talked to in those early formative months.
I know that Coby's reaction today was a raw emotional moment where he needed to be assured that he was not going anywhere except home with me. Of course that reasurance was gladly given : )
Yep, this boy..the one who somehow manages to climb into a doll stroller and get stuck...he is the one who then yells "MAMA" and now is confident that I am running to his rescue.
*I want to clarify that although I have no idea what she was saying by her tone and demeanor I do NOT think it was anything that would be upsetting in and of itself*
24 comments:
Wow, scary yet unknown-scary moment.
Recently a Chinese hostess at a restaurant was "lovin" on our boy in Mandarin.
I could just look on and ask my parents what she said.
And I looked at him to see if any recognition crossed his face.
He was just looking for more food!
He now knows he is very loved and protected by his Mommy, Daddy and Na-Na:). He is such a cutie pie!
Lauren used to react to asian women too I remember when she was real little. I often wonder just how much they remember.
This post brought tears to my eyes. You can see so clearly your momma heart......and the picture of your Coby is just precious.
Oh, this makes me cry! We had similiar experiences with our oldest daughter who we adopted from Astana, Kazakhstan. Very similiar!!! Very scary!! Thank God Coby now has a forever loving family!
Wow that is amazing. He is so lucky to have such a loving family now!
Poor Coby! So happy that he knows who his mama is and that you are there for him.
Poor, sweet Coby! How wonderful that he knows to find comfort and assurance in you.
I had a very similar experience with Aiden. It's sad and scary. Happy to hear Coby knows who his mama is!
I'm glad he had you there to reassure him that he wasn't going anywhere. I'm sure it scared him, but also seemed to give you some insight into his memory and also assure YOU that he is definitely feeling the love at home. :)
I don't know what to say. Just feeling so happy for both Coby and you.
There is so much we don't know about our little ones' first years of life, so much is & will always be a mystery. Yet, how wonderful to know the attachment Coby has to his forever family, just 6 months later, is very, very strong!!
Oh, what you wrote about how the orphanage workers acted like they didn't know him just breaks my heart. He is in the best place in this earthly world... in his mama's loving arms. And may I just add that he looks like the cutest little baby doll in that stroller!!
I believe that hearing the language takes him back there and no matter how wonderful an orphanage is..it is an orphanage. It cannot compare to the loving home and parents he now has.
Laura :(
This post brought tears to my eyes. Poor baby...sounds like he was so scared. I know how loved he is and that is what makes his story and so many more easier to reconcile. It's the babies and children that get left behind that KILL my heart. Hug that sweet, gorgeous baby doll :) for me!!!
:( Hearing about Coby getting so upset breaks my heart.
Hey,
I think Coby is just so "Loving his New Momma & family" that when she started speaking vit. he might have associated that with... going back there. And, let's face it.. He doesn't want to go.
This is very normal for adoptive children, I think. Faith doesn't cry but anytime we see someone who is Chinese and they "oh & ah" over her.. she becomes VERY quite & sometimes she ignores them all the while keeping her focus on me.
One day they will understand.
:) Hugs to you Coby.. and Momma!
Just happened to come across your blog - your children are precious :) My Mia has had the same reaction with anyone Chinese - she was in a SWI for 19 months and I believe, like your son, she spent most of her time in her crib and she has spent the last year and half home with us...learning how to be loved and hugged and how to give kisses. She is doing beautifully, but I often wonder what she went thru...thank God they are HOME :)
I just got your comment- bummer about Saturday. We will be in town until Monday morning so let me know. kakornas @ comcast dot net
I think Keisha is probably correct - he worried she might take him away.
I also wonder about the Tongginator's experiences in China. As you know, all of the Tonggu gals were in foster care. Most seemed to have relatively good experiences. But the Tongginator? I wonder...
I'm so sorry that the orphanage workers didn't act all that interested when you came to visit. That just breaks my heart.
Poor Coby. That language obviously brought back memories he found unsettling.
I also find it heartbreaking that the nannies at his orphanage didn't really acknowledge him the very next day. I can't imagine! (When we visited Linlee's orphanage a few days after Gotcha, her nanny scooped her out of my arms without asking and when she finally had to give her back because we were leaving, the nanny cried.) Well, thank heavens Coby is settled in his loving family now. He knows it too.
Oh, that is heartbreaking.
And that boy is GORGEOUS!
If it comforts you in any way....Lottie has not felt comfortable around ANY Asian people since coming home from China. Anytime we run into Chinese people and they speak to her she cries and throws her head into my neck. When she turned four she told me that she was afraid they would take her back to China and she even will go so far as to tell me to keep an eye on Emma because she thinks an Asian person will "steal" her (her words not mine) Obviously, these feelings do not come from us but they are real.
A blessing though here at orientation....one of her teachers is a young Korean woman. Lottie LOVES her....and I mean loves her...she never likes adults but clings to Ms. Kelly....for this I am blessed that maybe she has a little peace for now with her past.
What a touching story. Obviously he knows who his mama is! As you know, we did not have the same experience at Go Vap. Sam's nanny bawled when we left with him. It's possible he was her favorite. He is not afraid of Asian or Vietnamese people, but he has also been exposed to quite a few of them since we've gotten back. I wouldn't avoid Vietnamese people. Just keep loving him as you have been. He seems to be doing great!
Awww...so sorry to hear his very strong and negative reaction to his birth language!
It is just so sad we don't have a clue what they went through while in the orphanage. And even sadder that they didn't make a fuss over him when you were back to visit.
BUT....he is with mama and dada and the best big sister. Life is exactly the way it was meant to be!!!!! Enjoy and give him some extra lovin'!!!!!!
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